With over 120k Instagram followers, Lala is the anonymous voice helping womankind through every bump in the road. An established sex, dating and relationship educator, she’s had her fair share of relationship drama and shares her wisdom on social media to a loyal army of followers. Every week thousands turn to her to answer their questions, (no matter how embarrassing), and her funny, frank approach to love and relationships has made her the ultimate feel-good guru.
Now, she’s sharing her knowledge exclusively with The OK! VIP club. Register below and access Lala’s weekly wisdom.
Are you part of The OK! VIP Club? If not, why not? It’s free and gives you backstage access to stories like this, exclusive home tours, special discounts and so much more! All you need to do is pop your email address below! P.s. if you’re already seeing this article in full, congrats – you’re already on our guest list!
Once upon a time I dated a man. He was sweet, funny and kind. One day, he came to mine for a Netflix and Chill date. Before he arrived I cleaned my house, changed my sheets, and had a shower. I don’t think his preparations for our date were quite as thorough as mine though, in fact, judging by the way he smelt when he arrived, his date preparations may have included going for a 20-mile run before rubbing a doner kebab on his armpits.
He embraced me at the door, and I was bowled over by the strong stench wafting out from under his arms. At first, I was overcome with British politeness and didn’t know whether I should say anything, so I held my nose and stayed silent. We sat on the sofa and he pulled me in for a hug and made a suggestive comment about how he wanted the night to go.
I couldn’t concentrate because of the smell emanating off him. I was sitting there thinking about the effort I had gone to. I was fresh as a daisy smelling like coconuts and roses, whilst he was clearly unwashed smelling like Bolognese sauce and gym socks. He tried to kiss me, and I snapped.
I told him that he did not smell fresh at all, he explained that he had gone straight from work to his Dad’s house and then straight from his Dad’s to mine. I thought about what I would do in that situation, if I had arranged a Netflix and Chill date at somebody else’s house but didn’t have time to go home before going there I would have either washed at my Dad’s or asked if I could have a shower when I arrived at my date’s house.
Become an OK! VIP and you will unlock access to all of our big exclusives…
Be the first to meet the latest showbiz babies, see the most sought after wedding pictures of the year, or take a guided tour around your favourite star’s lavish multi-million pound home – all for free!
Sign up here
But there is no way I would have turned up smelling like an abattoir and acted as though it was acceptable to remain that way.
The more I thought about it, the more annoyed I got. It wasn’t the fact that he stank that bothered me so much– that can be easily fixed – it was the fact that he had the audacity to turn up like that. To me, it felt very disrespectful. It felt like he didn’t care. I wouldn’t even turn up unwashed to a meeting, let alone to an event where someone’s nose might end up being really near to my body.
We had only been dating for a few weeks and the fact that it didn’t occur to him that he needed to make an effort made me realise that he was either a complete slob, or he simply didn’t care that much about what I thought. We ended up having a bit of an argument about it and in the end, I asked him to leave. I had the ick. If his armpits smelt like that, I could only imagine what his balls smelt like, and I did not wish to find out.
It made me realise how gendered hygiene and pre-date preparation expectations are. Women have been conditioned by men, the media, advertising and porn, to believe that we have to be smooth & hair free, that our faces are not OK, so we have to wear face paint to look sexy enough for men, and that we have to wear spandangly underwear to turn them on.
We’re sold feminine hygiene products and pills that claim to make your vagina taste sweeter. But there are no ‘balls fresh’ products in Boots, there are no pills that claim to make semen taste like cake. Men just roam about with their normal faces in Primark boxers with hairy bum cracks, and we are just OK with that!
We accept their hairy backs and spotty bums, we accept that their d*cks smell like dicks not pineapples and roses, we accept their bellies and bald patches – we accept them completely as they are, so men are under very little pressure to make much of an effort before seeing us.
We should also relieve ourselves of that pressure and not feel that we have to be hairless, preened, and made up in order to be attractive (unless we want to, because I actually enjoy all that, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t do it), but basic hygiene should be non-negotiable for any gender. We shouldn’t have to be hair-free and trussed up in lingerie, but we should certainly be clean. So, I consider a man turning up with nothing more than a spritz of Lynx on his testicles to be a red flag. He either doesn’t care about himself, or he doesn’t care about you, and both are causes for concern.
I’m not saying that you need to be as dramatic as me and chuck him out of your house if this happens, but we definitely shouldn’t just grin and bear it. In my younger days I probably wouldn’t have said anything because I would have been afraid that I would ruin things and put him off, or been worried about offending him, but it is important to use your voice and speak up instead of holding your nose and tolerating it.
Say something! Say it in the kindest, least offensive way possible, but make sure you say it. And if you don’t feel that you can, then you need to think about why you are having a sexual relationship with someone who you can’t freely communicate with.
If it’s because you’re scared of him then you may need to contact Women’s Aid for support with this. But if it’s because you’re worried about losing him then you need to think about why he wasn’t worried about turning up with a whiffy willy and potentially losing you.
Like anything sexual, we need to set our boundaries. If you feel turned off by lack of hygiene, then you do not have to compromise yourself in order to please them. Never feel afraid to ask them to wash, or to leave, if you do, then you’re sleeping with the wrong person. Tell him to Hinch his willy and then block, delete, move on.
For more of Lala’s wisdom follow @Lalalaletmeexplain on Instagram