Blue star Lee Ryan has opened up about the trauma he suffered during his childhood when he witnessed his friend’s dad try to shoot her, before turning the gun on himself.
Lee, 37, was left so traumatised by what he saw he went off the rails, he said.
He believed he would die young and become part of the ’27 Club’, a group of stars including Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse who died at the age.
The life-changing incident happened before he found fame with Blue, writes The Mirror.
He said he acted like a “nutjob” because he was so convinced his life would end suddenly and he “didn’t care”.
Recalling the event, he said: “I remember watching a film and I heard, ‘Bang, bang’, I was like, ‘What the f**k is that?’
“I actually looked outside and I saw my friend lying on the floor holding her shoulder and her dad walked out with a sawn-off shotgun.
“He walked out into the middle of the road, stuck it to her head and went to shoot it but he’d already done two shots, so he went back inside, re-loaded, and she got up and ran off.
“Then he turned around and he put the gun to his head and blew his brains out. I saw his head explode.”
Speaking about how it affected him, Lee said during the podcast, Family Business : “It affected me, really badly. There was a woman who got murdered in my block of flats, she got cut up with her kid. It was rough round those ways.
“I think growing up I had a lot of things to deal with that I’d seen and then I got famous. It’s not a good mix.”
After joining boyband Blue at 17, Lee struggled with fame and has been open about drug and alcohol problems throughout the years.
He said he took the “live fast, die young” approach to life.
He tried to be the ‘most crazy rock ‘n’ roller he could be and didn’t care’
Lee added it must have been ‘tough’ for the Blue boys as they were more ‘sensible’ than him.
Lee and his bandmates Duncan James, Simon Webbe and Antony Costa will celebrate the 20th anniversary of their debut album All Rise in November and are hoping to do something to mark the occasion.
If you’re struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operate a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email firstname.lastname@example.org or visit their site to find your local branch