If falling in love is the exciting part, staying in love is the hard part.
Despite what Richard Curtis films will tell you, relationships require a lot of work. And the path to forming a long-lasting, deep and meaningful bond with someone is not always charming or funny. Nor does it usually involve Bill Nighy.
From communication troubles to finding it hard to carve out one-on-one time, there are a few common difficulties that most people in relationships will experience at one stage or another.
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The Independent spoke to dating experts to identify them and crucially, explain how you can overcome them.
1. Mutual respect
It might sound obvious, but as you go through the ebbs and flows of life with another person, you’re bound to face periods of time where the level of respect you have for one another changes. Sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.
But not respecting your partner’s world views, boundaries, interests, and family can lead to serious relationship problems, says chartered psychologist Daria Kuss.
“Respect they may be different, like different things and have different opinions and relationship needs,” she suggests.
“Hoping to change them is not a realistic strategy and is likely to fail in the long term. Acknowledge you may not always agree on everything and be grateful for who they are and their role in your life.”
2. Defining the relationship
Thanks to the advent of dating apps, we have more choice with regards to who we want to be in a relationship with than ever before. A new date is quite literally just one swipe away.
But that can make it difficult when you actually enter into a relationship with someone, because it might take longer for both partners to recognise that you are no longer simply casually dating.
“One of the biggest problems in modern relationships is when to know if ‘seeing someone’ has become a committed relationship,” says Hayley Quinn, dating expert for Match.com.
“We suddenly have to have a conversation to verify where we stand.”
In order to get to a stage where you can define the relationship, Quinn advises listening to what the other person is communicating to you around their stance on commitment.
“If they say they’re not looking for anything serious right now, take them at their word. Secondly, focus on looking to partner up with people who share the same values as you around commitment. Don’t try to convince yourself that you want less than you set out looking for, just because you’ve met someone who you like.”
3. Lack of communication
Not communicating effectively with a partner is one of the most frequent causes of arguments, mostly because of how frustrating it can be when you feel like someone is not listening to you.
In order to solve communication problems, whether it’s lack of communication or miscommunication, Kuss recommends making dedicated time for talking, practising active listening, and paraphrasing what the other person has said.
“Avoid accusation and blame,” she adds, noting that this will only make matters worse. ”Be open and respectful of the other’s feelings and needs.”
4. Carving out one-on-one time
We’re all busy people, so it can be easy to occasionally let a relationship, particularly a long-term one, fall by the wayside when your social calendar becomes a bit too packed.
“We all should know by now that we can’t get all our needs met through one person, and that relationships prosper when there’s enough security within them for both parties to enjoy independent activities and friends,” says Quinn.
1/19 Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union
The couples matched in matching Dundas on the red carpet. The actress wore a floor-length cardigan on top of the dress, which featured a high slit in the middle to show off her black high heels. Meanwhile, her husband wore a headpiece and black suit that matched Union’s bejewelled look.
(Credit too long, see caption)
2/19 Tom Brady and Gisele Budchen
The pair wore matching shades of pink on the red carpet. Bündchen looked chic in a pleated metallic pink gown by Dior’s Maria Grazia Chiuri. Meanwhile, the sportsman wore a velvet dark pink tuxedo.
Getty Images
3/19 Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz
The couple contrasted with the light pink red carpet in matching green ensembles. Keys wore a hooded light green sequined dress for the occasion while her beau wore a dark green tuxedo jacket and black trousers.
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
4/19 Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez
The newly-engaged couple stunned on the pink carpet. Lopez arrived with her fiancé in a silver sequined-encrusted dress with a deep V-neck plunge and matching headpiece. Meanwhile, Rodriguez wore a pink suit.
(Credit too long, see caption)
5/19 Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner
The pair looked like they’d just stepped out of a video game, with Jenner donning a purple wig and sheer lavender-coloured dress by Versace for the occasion. The reality star’s ensemble featured matching coloured feathered sleeves, while her boyfriend wore a brown and black Dior military-inspired suit.
Getty Images
6/19 Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner
The newly-married couple attended their first Met Gala together this year. The Game of Thrones star wore a Louis Vuitton two-piece ensemble, which had the appearance of a jumpsuit, with an oversized belt. Jonas, meanwhile, coordinated with his wife’s look in a black suit that featured multi-coloured embelishments.
Getty Images
7/19 Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas
Chopra looked every inch as regal as she did on her wedding day to Nick Jonas last year in this stunning silver Dior Haute Couture gown at the Gala. the dress featured feathered ruffles and a matching cape, and was paired with a silver crown and Chopard jewellery. Standing by her side was Jonas, who wore a white Dior Men tuxedo, Chopard jewellery and silver Christian Louboutin shoes.
(Credit too long, see caption)
8/19 James Corden and Julia Carey
The presenter and his wife matched in black and baby pink at the Gala. The comedian teamed his look with a matching neck tie, waist coat and patent black dress shoes.
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
9/19 Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
Kim Kardashian-West and her husband caused a frenzy on the red carpet. The reality star wore a nude ensemble designed by Mugler, while her husband wore a black jacket and trousers. “This is the first time in 20 years that Mr. Mugler has designed for the House of Thierry Mugler,” the media mogul told E! News’ Zuri Hall on E!’s Live From the Red Carpet at the Met Gala.
(Credit too long, see caption)
10/19 Megalyn Echikunwoke and Chris Rock
The duo posed side-by-side a pose on the Met Gala stairs. Echikunwoke wore a textured terracotta-coloured patterned dress for the occasion which featured a high neck and cascading mini dress that ran into an elongated train. Meanwhile, her beau kept things simple in a black tuxedo.
AFP/Getty Images
11/19 Zoe Saldana and Marco Perego
The pair channelled disco glamour on the pink carpet at the event. The couple, who have been married for six years, looked effortlessly chid as Saldana teamed her sequined rust-coloured dress by Michael Kors with a matching necktie, sequinned satin clutch, snakeskin platform heels, and purple embellished glowers in her hair. Her husband, meanwhile, kept it causal in a black tuxedo with an open-collared white shirt.
(Credit too long, see caption)
12/19 Charles Melton and Camila Mendes
Riverdale’s Camila Mendes and Charles Melton attended their first Met Gala together this evening. Mendes wore a yellow feathered Prabal Gurung gown with a light blue bow tied around the back while her beau complemented her look in a dark Sies Marjan suit.
Getty Images
13/19 Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth
The pair made their Met Gala pink carpet debut in coordinating looks. The singer wore a Saint Laurent sequin striped dress with a pair of sheer black dotted patterned leggings. Meanwhile, her husband wore a black suit that matched his wife’s outfit, perfectly.
Getty Images
14/19 Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter
Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter turned things up a notch in their matching ensembles. The actor didn’t hold back in his all-white suit and fedora, while his wife donned a strapless lilac-hued dress with oversized billowing sleeves.
Getty Images
15/19 Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart
The Riverdale pair might have looked like they’d stepped from the pages of a children’s novel at tonight’s gala but their outfits surely packed a sartorial punch. Reinhart wore a blue strapless romper dress with oversized sleeves and a long train, while her beau wore a matching red sleeveless suit jacket and trousers that featured a floral motif.
(Credit too long, see caption)
16/19 Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian
Williams stole the show on the night in a pair of neon yellow Nike trainers designed by Virgil Abloh and a bright yellow Versace floral-printed dress. She walked the red carpet with her husband of two years, who wore a black and white tuxedo.
PA
17/19 Baz Luhrmann, left, and Catherine Martin
Director Baz Luhrmann and his wife Catherine Martin matched in various shades of pink. Martin’s look capitalised on the night’s biggest trend –feathers – with the detailing featuring on the hem of her cuff and trouser legs.
Charles Sykes/Invision/AP
18/19 Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Hilfiger
Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo showed their patriotic side, dressed in a stars and striped motif inspired by the US flag.
(Credit too long, see caption)
19/19 Kris Jenner and Corey Gamble
Jenner looked almost unrecognisable in a blonde wig at the event, dressed in a custom jumpsuit and jacket from Tommy Hilfiger. Her partner, Corey Gamble, coordinated with Jenner’s look in a matching blue tuxedo.
(Credit too long, see caption)
1/19 Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union
The couples matched in matching Dundas on the red carpet. The actress wore a floor-length cardigan on top of the dress, which featured a high slit in the middle to show off her black high heels. Meanwhile, her husband wore a headpiece and black suit that matched Union’s bejewelled look.
(Credit too long, see caption)
2/19 Tom Brady and Gisele Budchen
The pair wore matching shades of pink on the red carpet. Bündchen looked chic in a pleated metallic pink gown by Dior’s Maria Grazia Chiuri. Meanwhile, the sportsman wore a velvet dark pink tuxedo.
Getty Images
3/19 Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz
The couple contrasted with the light pink red carpet in matching green ensembles. Keys wore a hooded light green sequined dress for the occasion while her beau wore a dark green tuxedo jacket and black trousers.
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
4/19 Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez
The newly-engaged couple stunned on the pink carpet. Lopez arrived with her fiancé in a silver sequined-encrusted dress with a deep V-neck plunge and matching headpiece. Meanwhile, Rodriguez wore a pink suit.
(Credit too long, see caption)
5/19 Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner
The pair looked like they’d just stepped out of a video game, with Jenner donning a purple wig and sheer lavender-coloured dress by Versace for the occasion. The reality star’s ensemble featured matching coloured feathered sleeves, while her boyfriend wore a brown and black Dior military-inspired suit.
Getty Images
6/19 Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner
The newly-married couple attended their first Met Gala together this year. The Game of Thrones star wore a Louis Vuitton two-piece ensemble, which had the appearance of a jumpsuit, with an oversized belt. Jonas, meanwhile, coordinated with his wife’s look in a black suit that featured multi-coloured embelishments.
Getty Images
7/19 Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas
Chopra looked every inch as regal as she did on her wedding day to Nick Jonas last year in this stunning silver Dior Haute Couture gown at the Gala. the dress featured feathered ruffles and a matching cape, and was paired with a silver crown and Chopard jewellery. Standing by her side was Jonas, who wore a white Dior Men tuxedo, Chopard jewellery and silver Christian Louboutin shoes.
(Credit too long, see caption)
8/19 James Corden and Julia Carey
The presenter and his wife matched in black and baby pink at the Gala. The comedian teamed his look with a matching neck tie, waist coat and patent black dress shoes.
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
9/19 Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
Kim Kardashian-West and her husband caused a frenzy on the red carpet. The reality star wore a nude ensemble designed by Mugler, while her husband wore a black jacket and trousers. “This is the first time in 20 years that Mr. Mugler has designed for the House of Thierry Mugler,” the media mogul told E! News’ Zuri Hall on E!’s Live From the Red Carpet at the Met Gala.
(Credit too long, see caption)
10/19 Megalyn Echikunwoke and Chris Rock
The duo posed side-by-side a pose on the Met Gala stairs. Echikunwoke wore a textured terracotta-coloured patterned dress for the occasion which featured a high neck and cascading mini dress that ran into an elongated train. Meanwhile, her beau kept things simple in a black tuxedo.
AFP/Getty Images
11/19 Zoe Saldana and Marco Perego
The pair channelled disco glamour on the pink carpet at the event. The couple, who have been married for six years, looked effortlessly chid as Saldana teamed her sequined rust-coloured dress by Michael Kors with a matching necktie, sequinned satin clutch, snakeskin platform heels, and purple embellished glowers in her hair. Her husband, meanwhile, kept it causal in a black tuxedo with an open-collared white shirt.
(Credit too long, see caption)
12/19 Charles Melton and Camila Mendes
Riverdale’s Camila Mendes and Charles Melton attended their first Met Gala together this evening. Mendes wore a yellow feathered Prabal Gurung gown with a light blue bow tied around the back while her beau complemented her look in a dark Sies Marjan suit.
Getty Images
13/19 Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth
The pair made their Met Gala pink carpet debut in coordinating looks. The singer wore a Saint Laurent sequin striped dress with a pair of sheer black dotted patterned leggings. Meanwhile, her husband wore a black suit that matched his wife’s outfit, perfectly.
Getty Images
14/19 Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter
Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter turned things up a notch in their matching ensembles. The actor didn’t hold back in his all-white suit and fedora, while his wife donned a strapless lilac-hued dress with oversized billowing sleeves.
Getty Images
15/19 Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart
The Riverdale pair might have looked like they’d stepped from the pages of a children’s novel at tonight’s gala but their outfits surely packed a sartorial punch. Reinhart wore a blue strapless romper dress with oversized sleeves and a long train, while her beau wore a matching red sleeveless suit jacket and trousers that featured a floral motif.
(Credit too long, see caption)
16/19 Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian
Williams stole the show on the night in a pair of neon yellow Nike trainers designed by Virgil Abloh and a bright yellow Versace floral-printed dress. She walked the red carpet with her husband of two years, who wore a black and white tuxedo.
PA
17/19 Baz Luhrmann, left, and Catherine Martin
Director Baz Luhrmann and his wife Catherine Martin matched in various shades of pink. Martin’s look capitalised on the night’s biggest trend –feathers – with the detailing featuring on the hem of her cuff and trouser legs.
Charles Sykes/Invision/AP
18/19 Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Hilfiger
Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo showed their patriotic side, dressed in a stars and striped motif inspired by the US flag.
(Credit too long, see caption)
19/19 Kris Jenner and Corey Gamble
Jenner looked almost unrecognisable in a blonde wig at the event, dressed in a custom jumpsuit and jacket from Tommy Hilfiger. Her partner, Corey Gamble, coordinated with Jenner’s look in a matching blue tuxedo.
(Credit too long, see caption)
“However, when one-on-one time gets squeezed down to near zero, relationships can start to lack physical and emotional intimacy.”
In other words, you don’t want to get to a point where the only time you spend with your partner is in front of the TV or when you’re both doing the dishes.
“Try going low-fi and turning off technology; go for a walk (this often makes having emotionally intimate conversations easier), build a puzzle, or even have brunch together with your phones safely switched off or put on aeroplane mode,” suggests Quinn.
5. Physical intimacy
If you and your partner are going through a drought in terms of your physical intimacy, which is common, it can cause other problems in the relationship.
“Sex and physical touch produce oxytocin, the ‘love hormone’, which builds trust and brings a couple closer together,” notes Kuss.
“This should, therefore, be encouraged in order to maintain a level of closeness between partners.”
6. Compromise
It’s the oldest piece of relationship advice in the book: learn how to compromise with your partner. But it really is important, says Quinn, and is often a source of contention in relationships that aren’t going so well.
While learning to compromise is integral to a successful relationship, it’s also important to be aware of what the right degree of compromise is, she adds.
“Having realistic expectations of your relationship and not needing to have 100 per cent of the same preferences is important as this will allow you to let smaller issues slide, create harmony, and embrace some good old fashioned give and take in your partnership.
“However, sometimes compromise can go too far and overspill into you neglecting important needs and boundaries that you have in order to maintain the status quo.”
In order to redress the balance, Quinn suggests really thinking about when it is appropriate to go with the flow, and where clear communication is required to express your needs if you bump heads with your partner on something.
7. Disagreements
Arguments are an inevitable part of any relationship. It’s how you argue that’s the important bit, says Quinn.
“What will make a difference is your ability to move on effectively after you’ve disagreed,” she says.
“This could mean that rather than sulking by sleeping on the couch, you give your partner a hug, even after you’ve had a disagreement.
“It could also mean that you make a promise to keep disagreements about the problem at hand, rather than dragging other things you haven’t seen eye to eye on over the years into the discussion.”
It could also simply be a case of trying to reach a stage of acceptance with regards to habits your partner has that annoy you.
“As the maxim goes, ‘you can either be right, or be happy’, so rather than trying to compete and to win against your partner every time, constantly remind yourself (and them) of the importance of pulling together as a team.”