Falling in love is one of the strangest and most wonderful things a human being can experience. And while it’s different for everyone, there are some common thoughts and feelings that can help people identify when it’s happening.
You might be experiencing one of the obvious indicators – like not being able to think about anyone or anything else but that person – or the signs could be more obfuscated.
Whatever it may be, there’s no doubt that falling in love in today’s labyrinthine dating landscape is complicated. In a bid to simplify things a little, The Independent spoke to psychologists to identify some of the clear signs that you might be falling in love with someone.
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1. You can’t stop staring at them
It’s a classic sign of infatuation: losing yourself in the eyes of the one you love. Consultant psychologist Marc Hekster explains that this is one of the most obvious signs that you’re falling in love with someone. “Why wouldn’t you want to look into the eyes of someone who you experience as the most beautiful and attractive person in your world?” he says.
The thing is, when you look at someone you love, you don’t just see what they look like. You might see your entire future together, or at least imagine what it could be.
“You are looking for something,” says Hekster. “If you have ever seen a mother looking at their newborn baby, or looking at their child in a loving way, then you will recognise some of this constant staring at your love object.”
2. You abandon your usual activities
If you’re enjoying spending time with someone, the reward system in the brain increases your motivation to want “more” of that time, explains dating psychologist Madeleine Mason Roantree. “You start to crave their presence,” she adds.
You may start thinking of ways to be near them, too, which can include taking up their interests in the hope it could help strengthen the fledgling bond between you.
“For example, you may detest salsa, but find yourself enrolling on a salsa course, even if they are not on the course, because you feel closer to them by proxy,” explains Mason Roantree. “It also gives you something else you can talk to them about, and perhaps it’s a way to entice them to get closer to you.”
3. You don’t mind when they do something unattractive
“The power of love and new love, in particular, is primitive,” says Hekster.
This means that when someone you’re falling in love with does something you might perceive as unattractive, whether it’s being untidy or leaving the toilet seat up, you won’t mind. In fact, you might not even notice it.
“Love can be immensely powerful and can be associated with the loss of all inhibition,” adds Hekster. “Think about parents who are in love with their baby and how they will acknowledge that they love their child no matter how dirty they are, or how much they stop them from sleeping.”
4. Time flies when you’re together
If you are falling in love with someone, chances are, your time with them will go by very quickly, explains consultant psychologist Daria Kuss.
This is often the case when we’re doing something we enjoy – and spending time with someone we’re falling in love with is no different.
1/19 Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union
The couples matched in matching Dundas on the red carpet. The actress wore a floor-length cardigan on top of the dress, which featured a high slit in the middle to show off her black high heels. Meanwhile, her husband wore a headpiece and black suit that matched Union’s bejewelled look.
(Credit too long, see caption)
2/19 Tom Brady and Gisele Budchen
The pair wore matching shades of pink on the red carpet. Bündchen looked chic in a pleated metallic pink gown by Dior’s Maria Grazia Chiuri. Meanwhile, the sportsman wore a velvet dark pink tuxedo.
Getty Images
3/19 Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz
The couple contrasted with the light pink red carpet in matching green ensembles. Keys wore a hooded light green sequined dress for the occasion while her beau wore a dark green tuxedo jacket and black trousers.
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
4/19 Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez
The newly-engaged couple stunned on the pink carpet. Lopez arrived with her fiancé in a silver sequined-encrusted dress with a deep V-neck plunge and matching headpiece. Meanwhile, Rodriguez wore a pink suit.
(Credit too long, see caption)
5/19 Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner
The pair looked like they’d just stepped out of a video game, with Jenner donning a purple wig and sheer lavender-coloured dress by Versace for the occasion. The reality star’s ensemble featured matching coloured feathered sleeves, while her boyfriend wore a brown and black Dior military-inspired suit.
Getty Images
6/19 Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner
The newly-married couple attended their first Met Gala together this year. The Game of Thrones star wore a Louis Vuitton two-piece ensemble, which had the appearance of a jumpsuit, with an oversized belt. Jonas, meanwhile, coordinated with his wife’s look in a black suit that featured multi-coloured embelishments.
Getty Images
7/19 Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas
Chopra looked every inch as regal as she did on her wedding day to Nick Jonas last year in this stunning silver Dior Haute Couture gown at the Gala. the dress featured feathered ruffles and a matching cape, and was paired with a silver crown and Chopard jewellery. Standing by her side was Jonas, who wore a white Dior Men tuxedo, Chopard jewellery and silver Christian Louboutin shoes.
(Credit too long, see caption)
8/19 James Corden and Julia Carey
The presenter and his wife matched in black and baby pink at the Gala. The comedian teamed his look with a matching neck tie, waist coat and patent black dress shoes.
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
9/19 Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
Kim Kardashian-West and her husband caused a frenzy on the red carpet. The reality star wore a nude ensemble designed by Mugler, while her husband wore a black jacket and trousers. “This is the first time in 20 years that Mr. Mugler has designed for the House of Thierry Mugler,” the media mogul told E! News’ Zuri Hall on E!’s Live From the Red Carpet at the Met Gala.
(Credit too long, see caption)
10/19 Megalyn Echikunwoke and Chris Rock
The duo posed side-by-side a pose on the Met Gala stairs. Echikunwoke wore a textured terracotta-coloured patterned dress for the occasion which featured a high neck and cascading mini dress that ran into an elongated train. Meanwhile, her beau kept things simple in a black tuxedo.
AFP/Getty Images
11/19 Zoe Saldana and Marco Perego
The pair channelled disco glamour on the pink carpet at the event. The couple, who have been married for six years, looked effortlessly chid as Saldana teamed her sequined rust-coloured dress by Michael Kors with a matching necktie, sequinned satin clutch, snakeskin platform heels, and purple embellished glowers in her hair. Her husband, meanwhile, kept it causal in a black tuxedo with an open-collared white shirt.
(Credit too long, see caption)
12/19 Charles Melton and Camila Mendes
Riverdale’s Camila Mendes and Charles Melton attended their first Met Gala together this evening. Mendes wore a yellow feathered Prabal Gurung gown with a light blue bow tied around the back while her beau complemented her look in a dark Sies Marjan suit.
Getty Images
13/19 Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth
The pair made their Met Gala pink carpet debut in coordinating looks. The singer wore a Saint Laurent sequin striped dress with a pair of sheer black dotted patterned leggings. Meanwhile, her husband wore a black suit that matched his wife’s outfit, perfectly.
Getty Images
14/19 Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter
Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter turned things up a notch in their matching ensembles. The actor didn’t hold back in his all-white suit and fedora, while his wife donned a strapless lilac-hued dress with oversized billowing sleeves.
Getty Images
15/19 Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart
The Riverdale pair might have looked like they’d stepped from the pages of a children’s novel at tonight’s gala but their outfits surely packed a sartorial punch. Reinhart wore a blue strapless romper dress with oversized sleeves and a long train, while her beau wore a matching red sleeveless suit jacket and trousers that featured a floral motif.
(Credit too long, see caption)
16/19 Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian
Williams stole the show on the night in a pair of neon yellow Nike trainers designed by Virgil Abloh and a bright yellow Versace floral-printed dress. She walked the red carpet with her husband of two years, who wore a black and white tuxedo.
PA
17/19 Baz Luhrmann, left, and Catherine Martin
Director Baz Luhrmann and his wife Catherine Martin matched in various shades of pink. Martin’s look capitalised on the night’s biggest trend –feathers – with the detailing featuring on the hem of her cuff and trouser legs.
Charles Sykes/Invision/AP
18/19 Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Hilfiger
Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo showed their patriotic side, dressed in a stars and striped motif inspired by the US flag.
(Credit too long, see caption)
19/19 Kris Jenner and Corey Gamble
Jenner looked almost unrecognisable in a blonde wig at the event, dressed in a custom jumpsuit and jacket from Tommy Hilfiger. Her partner, Corey Gamble, coordinated with Jenner’s look in a matching blue tuxedo.
(Credit too long, see caption)
1/19 Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union
The couples matched in matching Dundas on the red carpet. The actress wore a floor-length cardigan on top of the dress, which featured a high slit in the middle to show off her black high heels. Meanwhile, her husband wore a headpiece and black suit that matched Union’s bejewelled look.
(Credit too long, see caption)
2/19 Tom Brady and Gisele Budchen
The pair wore matching shades of pink on the red carpet. Bündchen looked chic in a pleated metallic pink gown by Dior’s Maria Grazia Chiuri. Meanwhile, the sportsman wore a velvet dark pink tuxedo.
Getty Images
3/19 Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz
The couple contrasted with the light pink red carpet in matching green ensembles. Keys wore a hooded light green sequined dress for the occasion while her beau wore a dark green tuxedo jacket and black trousers.
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
4/19 Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez
The newly-engaged couple stunned on the pink carpet. Lopez arrived with her fiancé in a silver sequined-encrusted dress with a deep V-neck plunge and matching headpiece. Meanwhile, Rodriguez wore a pink suit.
(Credit too long, see caption)
5/19 Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner
The pair looked like they’d just stepped out of a video game, with Jenner donning a purple wig and sheer lavender-coloured dress by Versace for the occasion. The reality star’s ensemble featured matching coloured feathered sleeves, while her boyfriend wore a brown and black Dior military-inspired suit.
Getty Images
6/19 Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner
The newly-married couple attended their first Met Gala together this year. The Game of Thrones star wore a Louis Vuitton two-piece ensemble, which had the appearance of a jumpsuit, with an oversized belt. Jonas, meanwhile, coordinated with his wife’s look in a black suit that featured multi-coloured embelishments.
Getty Images
7/19 Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas
Chopra looked every inch as regal as she did on her wedding day to Nick Jonas last year in this stunning silver Dior Haute Couture gown at the Gala. the dress featured feathered ruffles and a matching cape, and was paired with a silver crown and Chopard jewellery. Standing by her side was Jonas, who wore a white Dior Men tuxedo, Chopard jewellery and silver Christian Louboutin shoes.
(Credit too long, see caption)
8/19 James Corden and Julia Carey
The presenter and his wife matched in black and baby pink at the Gala. The comedian teamed his look with a matching neck tie, waist coat and patent black dress shoes.
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
9/19 Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
Kim Kardashian-West and her husband caused a frenzy on the red carpet. The reality star wore a nude ensemble designed by Mugler, while her husband wore a black jacket and trousers. “This is the first time in 20 years that Mr. Mugler has designed for the House of Thierry Mugler,” the media mogul told E! News’ Zuri Hall on E!’s Live From the Red Carpet at the Met Gala.
(Credit too long, see caption)
10/19 Megalyn Echikunwoke and Chris Rock
The duo posed side-by-side a pose on the Met Gala stairs. Echikunwoke wore a textured terracotta-coloured patterned dress for the occasion which featured a high neck and cascading mini dress that ran into an elongated train. Meanwhile, her beau kept things simple in a black tuxedo.
AFP/Getty Images
11/19 Zoe Saldana and Marco Perego
The pair channelled disco glamour on the pink carpet at the event. The couple, who have been married for six years, looked effortlessly chid as Saldana teamed her sequined rust-coloured dress by Michael Kors with a matching necktie, sequinned satin clutch, snakeskin platform heels, and purple embellished glowers in her hair. Her husband, meanwhile, kept it causal in a black tuxedo with an open-collared white shirt.
(Credit too long, see caption)
12/19 Charles Melton and Camila Mendes
Riverdale’s Camila Mendes and Charles Melton attended their first Met Gala together this evening. Mendes wore a yellow feathered Prabal Gurung gown with a light blue bow tied around the back while her beau complemented her look in a dark Sies Marjan suit.
Getty Images
13/19 Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth
The pair made their Met Gala pink carpet debut in coordinating looks. The singer wore a Saint Laurent sequin striped dress with a pair of sheer black dotted patterned leggings. Meanwhile, her husband wore a black suit that matched his wife’s outfit, perfectly.
Getty Images
14/19 Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter
Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter turned things up a notch in their matching ensembles. The actor didn’t hold back in his all-white suit and fedora, while his wife donned a strapless lilac-hued dress with oversized billowing sleeves.
Getty Images
15/19 Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart
The Riverdale pair might have looked like they’d stepped from the pages of a children’s novel at tonight’s gala but their outfits surely packed a sartorial punch. Reinhart wore a blue strapless romper dress with oversized sleeves and a long train, while her beau wore a matching red sleeveless suit jacket and trousers that featured a floral motif.
(Credit too long, see caption)
16/19 Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian
Williams stole the show on the night in a pair of neon yellow Nike trainers designed by Virgil Abloh and a bright yellow Versace floral-printed dress. She walked the red carpet with her husband of two years, who wore a black and white tuxedo.
PA
17/19 Baz Luhrmann, left, and Catherine Martin
Director Baz Luhrmann and his wife Catherine Martin matched in various shades of pink. Martin’s look capitalised on the night’s biggest trend –feathers – with the detailing featuring on the hem of her cuff and trouser legs.
Charles Sykes/Invision/AP
18/19 Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Hilfiger
Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo showed their patriotic side, dressed in a stars and striped motif inspired by the US flag.
(Credit too long, see caption)
19/19 Kris Jenner and Corey Gamble
Jenner looked almost unrecognisable in a blonde wig at the event, dressed in a custom jumpsuit and jacket from Tommy Hilfiger. Her partner, Corey Gamble, coordinated with Jenner’s look in a matching blue tuxedo.
(Credit too long, see caption)
“You are in the flow when you are with them,” she adds, “so you won’t notice the ticking clock when you spend time together”.
5. They can do no wrong
Falling in love can warp your sense of reality a little, says Hekster.
“It is likely that if you feel deeply in love with someone, then you will have a somewhat unrealistic view who they are and how they present themselves,” he adds.
So whilst you might be inclined to be critical of someone else doing or saying something, if your partner does or says them, you might love them for it, because in your eyes, they can do no wrong.
“Even if they are wearing sandals with socks. It’s what makes them so beautiful, right?!” he adds. “When you are in love, all you see is a version of beauty that feels unchallengeable. It is the idealisation of the individual upon whom all your feelings are focused.”
6. You feel unusually optimistic
When you’re falling in love, everything else in your life might feel weirdly wonderful, says Mason Roantree.
“You might also feel a little more energetic for no apparent reason,” she adds.
“This is the result of all those ‘dopamine hits’ you have been getting from thinking about your partner and doing things, either with them or that remind you of them.
“The act of positive anticipation helps reduce feelings of stress, so the anticipation of being with your partner boosts your mental health making you feel better about life.”
7. You want to touch and kiss them
Again, this might seem very obvious. But the reason why you want to touch and kiss someone you’re falling in love with is far more deeply rooted than you might think.
When you touch someone you’re falling in love with, it releases the “love hormone”, oxytocin.
“This will make you feel happy and strengthen the connection between you and your partner,” explains Kuss.
8. You always think about them
“Falling in love involves a surrender of our feelings to another person,” says Hekster.
In that surrender, Hekster explains that we merge with that person in a way and become completely preoccupied with them to the point where they dominate our thoughts.
Again, this is partly thanks to oxytocin, which is released in the brain during sex.
“It can affect emotion, cognition and social bonding,” adds Hekster, all of which can make you feel closer to someone and foster feelings of love.
9. You want them to be happy
When you start to fall in love with someone, you might find yourself feeling more altruistic than usual, says Hekster.
“This characterise the more mature versions of love,” he adds, explaining that it can be a sign of deep, long-lasting love.
“You don’t only want happiness for yourself, but you want it in equal measure for the other person.”